Prologue
A boy is sitting at his desk with glaring white light reflecting off his glasses. He’s lost in the moment, trying to find the words that would start his big project. It’s his story but he’s never really taken the time to articulate it, so he just starts typing. Writing everything that comes to mind until something resembling an outline takes shape. The outline’s a mess but works for him because it’s starts to the story he’s always wanted to tell. So, he keeps going paying no mind to anything around him only the words and sounds as the night fades away.
Mehr always felt disconnected from everyone around him. He never felt “in” so to speak, always on the outside looking in. Merely being a temporary passenger in his own life. Never really settled in his own skin and not having enough of foot in the lives of those around him. Be it friends or family. He’s lived an interesting life, one that not man y people even fathom. You would think he’s just another 20-something complaining about what lies ahead. The kid’s lost to be frank. He never really figured himself out and it shows. He walks around with a sense that something is missing. There are days where he feels like nothing matters. Now, Mehr faces an uncertain future and as he does the past seems to be rearing its head more often.
Circling back, Mehr’s lived in a bunch of places and we’re not talking moving around within a county or even state. We’re talking countries here, the type of shit you only really see in some sort of fiction. He’s a walking talking case of Third Culture. Now you may be wondering what the fuck a third culture is? That’s a fine point to be stumped over considering not many people really know what it actually means. In a nutshell, its child whose lived their lives as part of more than one culture and not really identifying with one but more of a mix match of all of them. It’s an interesting idea that hasn’t really been explored all that much but hey maybe this story will add to all that so here we go.
Part I – the little boy and the big city
The room is mostly dark with a lamp dimly lighting the room. In this room, a frightened boy is sitting in his bed confused about where he is as his little brother sleeps in the bed beside him. It is not the home he’s always known; come to think about it, the entire place is somewhere strange. Mehr doesn’t really understand what’s going on and where he is except that his mommy and daddy told him everything will be fine. The last real thing he remembers is telling his friends goodbye. Friends he’d never really see again and wouldn’t be the first time for him. All Mehr knew was to believe what they told him, and he did. The boy put on a brave face and went to a new school filled with strangers.
Before he could actually go to the school, Little Mehr had to take a test.
It’s a brisk morning in the city of Dubai, little Mehr feels a chill on his back and a nauseous feeling in his stomach. He’s scared of the new school, he’s going to with new faces he’s never seen before. Mehr doesn’t like change very much but he does his best to not let the feelings drag him down.
Mehr walks through the gates of his new school in shock, its filled with so many kids that were different from him. He felt like he wouldn’t fit in but his mom stopped him and said “Don’t be scared if they want to be your friend, they’ll talk to you.” Mehr took that to heart at the time as walked through the mausoleum like halls of the school. That was the only time Mehr took those words seriously.
Weeks went by and Mehr got used to the school. He had made friends at school like his parents said he would, but it didn’t feel like it. Whenever he asked if they wanted to play outside of school, they always made up excuses. Mehr didn’t pay any mind then, but it sparked a new feeling in himself that he’d never felt before: loneliness.
Mehr was playing on the playground at school one day, and he tripped. Mehr got up just fine and went on with his play time. It happens. He rejoined his friends Dave, Pratt, and Aaron and went on with recess. Towards the end of recess, Mehr’s shoe laces came undone and he started to ball. It was nothing to really cry over but little Mehr didn’t really know how deal with it. Dave was the only one to see this, so he came over and helped Mehr. It was a simple thing, the bunny loop.
Mehr didn’t really understand what it is was that he felt so he ignored it for a long time, but it always came back to him as he got older and some point, it never really went away. Mehr was friends with a lot of people in his grade, but they never invited him to anything and only really did so when the other kids parent told them to. It stayed that way for a long time, even his closest friends never really tried and by the time that they did, Mehr only ever responded the same way. He’d say no, make up some excuse, but really it was because he felt he didn’t belong with them.
Mehr continued to feel lost and it only got worse over time.
Part II – what happens when someone gets sick
Mehr’s been at his school for a little while now. He has his friends, but it still feels like he’s doesn’t really feel settled. It’s a weird feeling for the kid or any kid but still Mehr soldiers on. Besides moving to another country, Mehr’s life has been relatively normal. That all changed when his little brother got sick. It was just look liked a cold to little Mehr, but it was something much worse. Little Timothy (Mehr’s younger brother) had a sickness that’s very hard to make go away but Mehr didn’t know that. So, he really didn’t understand when his parents started to frantically run around the house and pack suitcases. Mehr understood the suitcases so he tried to help by packing his own, ready for the next adventure.
That’s unfortunately not what happened for Little Mehr. He got left behind.
Mehr still doesn’t clearly remember what his parents said to him before they left except that his brother needed help for his cold, so they needed to take him somewhere else. Mehr kind of understood and said he’d stay up waiting for them. He did for a little awhile before he realized it would be awhile.
What Mehr would definitely notice was all the people coming and going from his life over the next year. Friends and family bustled in and out helping to keep an eye on Mehr and making sure his life stayed “normal”. Mehr tried his best not to notice the change and focus on school but he really missed his family. Mehr coped the best he could, he started to eat and never really learned how to stop. Life moved pretty fast for Mehr as he dealt with his family not being there until one day, his dad was just back. It was a shock but a welcome one. Mehr’s dad explained that Mom and Dad would be coming back every so often, so he got to see them. Mehr’s parents blurred in and out of his life until one day, his dad came home and said that our lives were going to change. Mehr’s dad was being moved to Egypt to help head up the work there.
Mehr’s dad being moved meant, he wouldn’t be going back and forth between Dubai and The US anymore. He’d be going back and forth through Dubai and Egypt while his mom would remain in the US to finish his brother’s treatment. So Mehr’s life remained the course, the instability just became another part of everything. It’s the new year, and Mehr’s about to turn 9. He hasn’t seen his mom or brother in quite some time at this point.
Mehr’s at school with his friends, his cares are focused in the moment, but something is nagging at him. He recognizes the feeling. It’s like something is missing but he once again can’t place and with no to turn to, he moves on again. Later on, in the day, Mehr gets his stuff together to leave for the day but is told to not head to the busses today. He complies and heads to the front school gate where he sees his dad waiting for him there. Mehr runs over and hugs, excited that he got picked up today. On the ride home, His dad tells Mehr that he’s going to be going back to the US again. As he says that, Mehr starts to feel sad again at being left behind again. However, his dad that he’d being coming this time because they didn’t want him to spend his birthday on his own.
So, he didn’t…. next thing Mehr knew, he was on a plane to the U.S. to see his family after months apart. A few months later…. Mehr is at the airport arrivals areas with his dad and some of his extended family. Timmy and Mehr’s mom are finally coming home after finishing Timmy’s treatment.
Part III– the place with the pyramids
Two and a Half Years Later….
Mehr is now in the 7th grade, he’s been at school for a long time now, his family is back together. Life seems to be settling down, his dad has been traveling back and forth between Dubai and Cairo for work, and nothing seems amiss. Over time, his dad’s trips became more and more frequent eventually his mom went to visit. Only later did Mehr learn that his parents had been looking at homes to make a full move. Low and behold, months later, Mehr learned it was time for another move and at least this time, the country had something exciting like a set of pyramids.
The move to Egypt was hard on the boy, because Mehr didn’t know how to say goodbye to his friends. After Mehr told Dave, they swore to keep in touch over this new website called Facebook. They tried but time and distance took their toll. Mehr was alone again and he had the chance to start again. When they first got there, he had to take a test to get into the American School.
Mehr failed, and that through a wrench into the works. Mehr’s parents were thrown for a loop, they didn’t really expect the kid to fail but here they were. The backup plan was very quickly put together as the school, Mehr went to in Dubai had a branch in Egypt. They let him right in as It was as simple as transferring his paperwork. It was not the ideal situation because now Mehr was in a different school from his brother, 30 mins away from his house.
That school was Mehr’s home for 2 and half years. It wasn’t the best experience for the kid. The kids at the school never accepted him in a different way than his old school. Mehr was whole and truly a foreigner and treated as such. Kids would have conversations in languages, he couldn’t understand right in front of him. His foreignness was thrown right back at him by a particular bully who just enjoyed being racist either out of ignorance or actual malice but Mehr didn’t dwell.
It was a long time for Mehr to be there, he struggled in school and at home. He made his friends and life went on. He got a dog, but we don’t really want to talk about what happened to that good boy. He made friends, lost friends, the world went on. Mehr did his best and one day, he got the golden opportunity: Another chance at the American School.
They gave Mehr another test, and this time he passed. Joining his brother at the new school. It made Mehr happy, he felt accomplished because he knew he’d meet kids who were a lot like him. Travelers in and out of people’s lives with one hand on the ground and the other on a suitcase. It was quite the year for our now 15-year-old boy, and it was better year than he chose to give it credit for.
Mehr met many people at the school and made a strong group of friends including his boy Ryan. He joined a school club a first for our boy. He had his first crush and whole plethora of events any normal kid should go through. It was the first chance he really got to settle down and be a kid for once. He really had a place he belonged, and it made the kid happy. It was everything he wanted and nothing of what he thought it would be. It was the first time where the life and people around him were snuffing out that little voice on the inside of him that made him lonely.
Part IV – the homeland
Mehr’s time at The American School has been great. He has a great friend in Ryan. His grades are good, and his brother is healthy. That feeling Mehr’s always had wasn’t really there anymore. He was happy, content with where he is was because his life had more stability than he had previously felt. His school life was great, but something felt off at home. His parents were acting different, being a little cagey. Mehr was just a kid but his parents were honest with him ever since Timmy got sick. They told that they’d be leaving Egypt at the end of the school year.
The news hit Mehr harder than the other times. He had left himself get settled and actually built a life. His parents had upended it again and it was going to really hurt leaving this time. The first thing Mehr did was tell Ryan and all he could muster was anger. The boys had gotten close. Ryan had met Mehr on their first day of 9th grade, and he’d helped show him the ropes at school. Mehr was not ready to let go and it hit him real hard once he left and wound up back in the once place he’d never expect.
He was unhappy and it stayed that way for a long time. Mehr’s outsider feeling was even more pronounced in Pakistan than it was overseas. He felt more out of place because he had never taken part of the culture, Urdu was as much mystery to him as French was, and it just didn’t feel like home.
Leaving Egypt hit Mehr really badly, he regressed back into his shell refusing to really let people in. The first couple months were rough, he had entered an atmosphere at point in any kid’s life where you really don’t want to be the new human in school. Mehr even threw up outside of school on the second day to avoid going in. He was their little trooper so seeing him like this was out of place. His parents were baffled by Mehr’s behavior, but gave him a talking to and sent him straight in.
Mehr kept his head down and kept people at a distant but that didn’t last very long. The part of him that grew in Egypt changed him so eventually, he reached out to others. He met a couple of great people during his time there such as Mose, Saif, and others. He really bonded with Mose, becoming his best friend and often making midnight McDonald’s runs for no reason. He joined the basketball team and that was a much-needed experience for him. It gave him a regiment and group of people who were there for him. It made being there easier for him.
Little over a year into his time back in Pakistan, Mehr received some interesting news: there was going to be a new addition to the family. His mother was pregnant, and they were expecting in August of that year. Mehr was taken aback at first but over time, he let it go being as supported as he could but really, his resentment of his parents was growing.
Part V – Back to the Desert
Going into Junior year, Mehr went through quite a bit in his life. He had a new addition to his family in the form of a sister, and now he was about to start his second to last year of high school. Life was very clearly not in the habit of making Mehr’s life dull. Something always came up, something always changed, and just because he got older didn’t mean that things slowed down. About a month or so into the new school year, Mehr was sat down by his parents for yet another one of those chats they seem to “enjoy” having. They told him that dad will be moving back to Dubai and coming back to visit intermittently. Mehr asked if this was really the best move considering there was a baby in the mix. They said yes, and Mehr went along with not really having a choice at this point. As Mehr left, they said there could be a chance that the whole family could move again.
By November, it was a done deal. They were moving again. Mehr had told his teachers and was working towards wrapping up early. His boys knew too and well, it was a mixed bag. Mose though the best of friends with Mehr, made it clear he knew they’d fall out of touch and was ok with it. That shocked Mehr but he knew deep down, it was true, and he hadn’t met someone who had been so frank about drifting apart. Mose was right and they really did as much as Mehr tried to keep in touch. Mehr was at a point in his life where this sort of change just bothered him too much. The rebuilding of his life after spending so much time building a solid friend group and support system.
So there Mehr was half way into 11th grade and at a brand-new school. The new kid again, his life seemed to exist in a loop. Mehr really just went on and to be honest that last half of high school was a bit of blur for Mehr. He may have tried to keep people at a distance in Pakistan, but he actually accomplished it in Dubai. He sunk himself in school work and video games. His grades were good, so his parents left him alone no talks or anything.
Mehr was a shell but he didn’t really care at that point. He didn’t bother really get to know anyone beyond what he needed to survive high school and once he graduated, he never looked back. Mehr had the realization that things may be in the gutter right now but once he got to college, he could do better, and he would.
Part VI – College
It’s the middle of August in Pakistan. It’s hot, the electricity comes and goes in the house, and there’s a sense of calm. Mehr and his mom are packing up and preparing to head to the airport the next day. It’s finally come time for Mehr to head off college, that oh so wonderous moment in a young person’s life, and he’s nervous yet again. Contrary to what you’ve already read, life doesn’t repeat this time around…. promise.
College was a whirlwind for Mehr and gave him something he hadn’t truly had in life: Stability. He made a great group of friends and the fears he’d always had washed away. He made an effort to not repeat the mistakes of the past. He kept in touch with his friends, he built relationships that would hopefully last, and did fun doing it. He learned to open himself up to others and let them in, building the bonds he’s never really had the chance to foster.
Having a chance to build a full life for once, changed our little shy child. He’s still very much an introvert unfortunately. That out of the way, our boy made strides improving his life for the better. He took a hard look at the issues he developed over a life time of instability and decided to be get a better handle of things when he could. Here are the highlights provided in digestible bites: He came to America (like Eddie Murphy kinda), he switched majors, realized his depression was something to finally acknowledge, found a creative outlet, took a comics class, watched a movie about a purple dude and his love for shiny rocks, and now, he facing the end of his time there.
Part VII – An Unsatisfactory Ending
It’s 2019, the new year has been rung in and so has Mehr’s final year of college. He’s been trepidatious about it for a while now. That empty feeling, he’s known his whole life has come back for the first time in a long time. He knows it’s there but sees it differently now, it’s a feeling that an end is coming. He’s not really sure how to deal with it, it just leaves that familiar sense of dread. It’s left him pondering what’s next for him and whether he’s ready or if he even can to begin again.
Mehr doesn’t really know how to talk others about it in a way that he could make them understand so he did the next best thing. He just comes off as pretentious when they hear about how he lived in Dubai when he was little. He started a project and he just wrote. It was cathartic for the boy, but it shone a light on the issues he’s acknowledged but not dealt with. He went down his rabbit hole and came out the other end. Mehr wrote what his heart told him was right and now, it’s turned into something massive in his eyes. He is sitting at his computer staring at an almost completed page and he just keeps going relying on cliché because it feels right to him in the moment. Now, I don’t really know where to stop because this story isn’t done being written yet.
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